When I was nine, my mom took me to her hometown in a small province located along the central coast of Vietnam.
I was ridden on the back of my nephew’s motorbike as he skillfully maneuvered on a narrow dirt track wriggling through boundary-less paddy fields.
The road was so thin that we were tailgating each other like a mini parade on the motorbikes, with the city people wondering when they might fall off the vehicle into the wetland.
But my nine-year-old girl was otherwise occupied, unblinking in awe of the horizon-filling greenness surrounding me and the vast cloudless blue sky above my head.
Expansiveness in front of my eyes. Wind in my hair. The smell of wet grass around my nose. Fresh oxygen in my chest.
Freedom tasted even sweeter than strawberry ice cream.
Even before I could name it.
Little did I know, it would become my lifelong search and the most sacred desire in my heart — to be free.
Little nine-year-old me pointed at the horizon, asking, ‘Can we please go there where the field and the sky meet?’
Well, that became a laugh story for everyone when we arrived at my aunt’s.
But I have always been looking for my ‘horizon’ ever since.
In the movies by the names Wild and Into the wild.
In my semester exchange to Seoul.
In my backpacking trips across South Korea.
In my changing numerous jobs.
When we fail to make sense of what we know because it seems too unorthodox, even when every cell in our bodies is frustrated, we subconsciously resist in denial.
On my way to my previous office job, I sneaked through the traffic of the usual morning urban business to arrive in front of the elevator, wondering:
‘Why am I here? What is the point? Is this all there is to a life I once dreamed to be joyously free?’
I had never found my ‘horizon’ wherever I sought.
I had been searching for freedom blindfolded.
I had been searching for a sense of expansiveness and liberation in physical & superficial places.
One simply will not fulfill intrinsic emotions in extrinsic endeavors.
A part of me knew I did not belong with the brick-and-mortar, the rigid ladder, the hustle, and bustle. But what a young person to do without a stable job in a good organisation?
When we fail to make sense of what we know because it seems too unorthodox, even when every cell in our bodies is aching for that truth, we subconsciously resist in denial.
Regardless, the part of me that has always been gravitating towards that repressed desire decided to pursue remote freelance opportunities on the side. I would come home from work, have dinner, and sit on these side projects until late.
The days I went to bed at 2 A.M. were the days I felt most alive. A tiny spark of hope reignited in my chest.
The side jobs gave my life meaning because there was a sense of liberation in the ownership and minimal structure of my freelance work.
To be free means to live your truth. To be exactly who you want to be, and do exactly what expands and liberates you.
Eventually, those projects evolved into larger scopes and supported me regardless of my full-time work.
I moved to a little town located along the central coast of Vietnam, Hoian. I made the call about when and where I work, and when I would go swimming in the ocean.
But this life felt borrowed.
Here I was in my favorite town by the beach, away from the environment of pushers and naysayers, still holding onto what I was ‘supposed’ to do.
I didn’t have to follow the usually approved paths. I could become anybody, but who would I want to be?
The answer was inside me all along, persisting my long resistance, waiting to be realized.
I left my previous path and started a coaching career.
I had never known I could love my work so much. That a job could both soothe and delight, expand and liberate my soul.
Every other day during autumn, at twilight, I take my motorbike for a ride along the wriggly road across the paddy fields. I would stop on the way, sit on my bike, and gaze at the horizon where the field and the sky meet.
Expansiveness in front of my eyes. Wind in my hair. The smell of wet grass around my nose. Fresh oxygen in my chest.
Liberation in my heart.
I no longer look for the ‘horizon’. It’s not a physical place, yet it’s always here.
True freedom is inside me.
It is not leaving this world to embark on a solo trip into the wilderness, or not being involved with anyone and committed to any pursuit.
Freedom is not to be sought. It is to be chosen.
The strangest, most unorthodox, even illusive or socially unimpressive idea about yourself might be the truest thing about yourself.
The Buddha says, ‘Just as we can know the ocean because it always tastes of salt, we can recognize enlightenment because it always tastes of freedom.’
The truth always tastes of freedom because it will set you free.
To be free means to live your truth. To be exactly who you want to be, and do exactly what expands and liberates you.
However improbable it may be assumed.
The strangest, most unorthodox, even illusive or socially unimpressive idea about yourself might be the truest thing about yourself.
I belong with nature and the service of accompanying others in reclaiming their life purpose. Among family generations of urban migrants, engineers, medical practitioners, and entrepreneurs, my truth is ‘impossible’ to be made sense of.
But the truth doesn’t need proving.
Because it’s the tone of our skin and the pigment of our eyes — it’s a part of our originality. Whereas the concept of ‘cool’ and ‘acceptable’ is what society constructs based on the experience, circumstance and environment of a generation, culture, or class.
And it does not always work for all of us, especially when the circumstance and environment are ever-changing.
Start with the blurriest signals and take the tiniest baby steps. The more you walk toward the path of truth, the more it reveals itself.
Recognizing your truth is not about lying under an apple tree waiting for a falling fruit, or taking a bath expecting a ‘Eureka’ moment.
The truth speaks in subtle but consistent signals. Its clues whisper from the heart and echo across the body.
Through the hollowness I felt in my chest on my way to work.
In the misalignment and genuine discontent about my life.
In the urge to look for freelancing opportunities.
In that blissful aliveness I felt at 2 A.M. by the working desk.
I started with the blurriest signals and took the tiniest baby steps. The more I walked toward the path of truth, the more it revealed itself.
Still, it was not always a sunny and clear day on that path.
The Buddha says the truth (or enlightenment) ‘always tastes of freedom’. Not comfort. Not ease. Not pleasure.
Often, I was unsure of where exactly I was aiming. I did not have a 5-year plan. Occasionally, I felt defeated in the hand of fear and doubt. I even detoured to choose what was conventionally right.
However, if you hold this desire for freedom so dearly in your heart, the force of life will lead you back on track.
From that day in front of the elevator, I have taken one leap of faith after another out of sheer dedication and stubbornness.
After all, I’m no special character but one curious experimenter, unyielding pathfinder, and faithful believer in the flow of life.
If you are genuinely discontent with your life, start listening inward for the truth and take that next step. You will be amazed at the places you will journey through and the person you will be becoming.
Freedom starts the exact moment you live your truth.