May 2021
Many of us keep ourselves busy to produce creativity—while forgetting the mind is most inventive during its boredom. Similarly, we tend to look for growth during the victorious parts of our careers and neglect the development nurtured by a career gap.
Changing jobs is my top 3 most powerful growth experiences in the last 5 years.
During the last 17 months, I have changed employment 3 times. I have been through countless aptitude tests, skill assessments, around 35 interviews, and have collected more than half a dozen job invitations.
Usually, that does not sound like plan A for most of us.
We can embrace and grow with a career transition period—instead of merely surviving it.
Most of us try to quickly get out of a career gap to continue our quest. For achievers, gapping is everything but progressive.
Therefore, we usually talk about how to survive a transition period—instead of how to embrace and grow with it.
Embrace your inner voice
After I had left my 2nd job in the series, a former colleague asked me if I had landed a new job. I said No.
He said: ‘You have a bunch of offers right?’.
I responded: ‘I have a bunch of rejections’.
‘Negotiated too hard?’
‘Not even there’.
Suddenly, a little voice in my head started whispering ‘Well, maybe you are just a fraud. You make people think you are better than what you are actually capable of’.
It is the kind of self-doubt that emerges in the face of worthwhile endeavors, regardless how we start out all positive.
Later, when I was in an application process with a company I deemed desirable, that voice resurfaced. It told me the case study I had been given was beyond my capability—I was going to screw up, and be exposed.
We usually experience self-doubts in the face of worthwhile endeavors. Because we internalize outward achievements and integrate material success into our identity—we think we are what we achieve.
Another time, that voice is narrated by a third person—like a friend who was a recruiter. She advised: do not bother seeking cross-industry opportunities—’the market is full of people with sales and English skills’.
As much as I was grateful for the advice, I began to recall the black-and-white picture.
- Black: I am one among millions of talents in this world.
- White: my unique qualities and experience are recognized through the contributions and impact I have made.
What tinted this picture was my perception of self.
The thing is: we internalize outward achievements and integrate material success into our identity. Growing up in a grading and ranking school system, with demanding parents, and crazy social media, we think we are what we achieve.
Therefore, we are interested in the rewards & experience of each other’s jobs. But, usually, ‘What’s that like?’ is not a question you get asked after ‘I am in between jobs and freelancing’.
In our dictionaries, being in a career gap is not the synonym of achievement, success, or advancement. We unconsciously cast a sense of sympathy toward our job-hunting friend instead of a sense of excitement.
It is maddening.
However, the light that brings us colors also brings shadows. These narratives could be dark and distorted—they keep me aware of my edges and position against the light.
Instead of trying to chase away these voices, I learn to embrace them.
My self-doubts could be dark and distorted—they keep me aware of my edges and position against the light. I began to acknowledge my fears reflect my values, while my doubts represent my capabilities.
Eventually, underneath their unpleasing sound emerges the reminders of my motivations, insecurities, doubts, and hopes.
I began to acknowledge my fears reflect my values, while my doubts represent my capabilities.
The more anxious I am about losing track and social appearance, the more I am aware of how important self-development and vulnerability are.
The more doubtful I am of my abilities, the more I know I am capable. Because we would not question ourselves if excellence is not our goal.
I began to lean towards my curiosity and respond to the voice: ‘Thanks. I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to try our best’.
‘Do not take life too seriously’
Unless sometimes it does hurt.
Because when we invest heart and time, one of the two outcomes will cause us to ache.
Last year I was invited to apply for an international fintech firm. I spent roughly 30 hours scattering over 2 months on all 8 rounds.
It was a series of video assessment, case study, mock meetings, founder interview—you name it.
Before the last step, I received an email describing how impressed and positive the management was about me. They would consider me for a senior role leading up to a management position despite my lack of industry experience.
After all the time spending on learning about them, I was fond of them too, and found the employment promising.
Only they did not hire me.
The reason: they would only employ people who would work for 10-15 years. I did not look like one.
(I sincerely hoped the reason was their office being located on Mars and so, our paths would never cross)
When we are in our hunting mode, we narrow our vision, intensify our focus, and only interest in the outcomes. We become oblivious to our very experiences and just pass through a series of events instead of living a special period of life.
More recently, another company ghosted me after interviews and discussions on onboarding arrangements. Despite many promises on the final act, they just vanished.
After having screamed into my pillow, and rolled around in my bed asking where the basic human decency, gratitude, and respect for each other’s limited time on Earth have gone, I realized:
- Not everyone walks around with a moral balance, and the attempt to make the hiring process efficient for both parties. Especially when bureaucracy, commercial interests, and organizational constraints often interfere.
- When we are in our hunting mode, we narrow our vision, intensify our focus, and only interest in the outcomes. We become oblivious to our very experiences. I noticed I was just passing through a series of events instead of living a special period of life.
In a nutshell, it was what ‘hope for the best, expect the worst’ and ‘enjoy the ride’ are all about—only I was not looking for a tour company, but finding the next career move.
Eventually, I attempted to shift my focus and lift my expectations.
- I have become (even) more experience-centric.
I would ask myself: What can I learn from this application process? How can I enjoy these activities? - I created my own ‘closure’ and continuously ‘moved on’.
After each milestone of every process, I would conduct any necessary follow-ups, celebrate the effort I made, and cross it off my mental list.
The tactics did not work to make the rejections less painful—but make the journey itself more enjoyable, meaningful, and peaceful.
When we take ourselves less seriously, we might be able to take a step back and watch ourselves strolling through this world the same way we watch a toddler on the playfield.
The more I lived these experiences, the more I recalled the navigations and calibrations I had made throughout my life. Not all of them were ‘strategic’ or ‘rational’—according to… my parents.
Like signing up for an average high school and having the best rebellious school years of my life. Or changing my university to study what interested me—even though it would set me back 2 years ‘behind’.
My coach put it perfectly ‘When we take ourselves less seriously, we might be able to take a step back and watch ourselves strolling through this world the same way we watch a toddler on the playfield—with little wobbling footsteps and sometimes, face flat on the ground. We might be able to see our struggles and mistakes with genuine adoration, generosity, and laughter‘.
Explore and find my own ‘gravity’
When I have embraced my inner voice, learned to live each moment, and laughed with life, I began to let go of my hunting mode and get in touch with my adventurous and curious self.
It was a gradual, humbling process.
When I have embraced my inner voice, learned to live each moment, and laughed with life, I began to get in touch with my adventurous and curious self. I asked myself: ‘What if life wants to show me something through these experiences?’
Last year, I sat quietly in my apartment asking myself: ‘What if life wants to show me something through these experiences?’. I could feel tiny soft voices aching to speak, but I could not hear them.
So I signed up for a coaching program, not even having the faintest idea I was going for ‘adventurous’ and ‘curious’.
Being coached was in the top 2 growth experiences of my 20s, and has been the greatest exploration of my life.
The enriching beliefs and self-wisdom we have cultivated together during our program are fundamentals to the transformation of my many life aspects.
They empowered me to make decisions with compassion and purpose.
Being conscious of my presence has also reminded me to cherish my time more, not because I was ‘too busy working’, but because I was busy living.
When we have a 9-to-5 job, we build our life around it. Our personal hygiene, meal times, sports… fall effortlessly into the blank spaces around our job.
Less obvious than we could notice, it is our ‘gravity’.
Having full authority over my own time and space, at some point it felt like I was floating in outer space.
Sometimes I needed a push to float towards a task and accomplish it. As the comfort soon wore out, I began to form anchor habits and repetitive commitments.
These anchor habits resembled the stability of having ‘gravity’. They also helped to shape desirable life routine and minimize dramatic reformatting when entering a new job.
The beauty of life in ‘outer space’ is, I did not try to keep myself fully occupied to count the day. I intended to stay disciplined and at the same time, go with the flow.
No matter what happens, I practice yoga, work out, take a cold shower, make breakfast, and tend my balcony garden before 8 AM.
Basing off of these habits, I encouraged myself to do ‘just 1 more thing’ per day in my free time. Just 1 new recipe, 1 painting, 1 online class… Eventually, more than just 1 one thing was done. Because that is the magic of it.
The beauty of life in ‘outer space’ is, I did not try to keep myself fully occupied to count the day. It was not supposed to be a productivity contest. I intended to stay disciplined and at the same time, go with the flow.
As I am writing this blog post, I remain in this special period of life and currently feel overwhelmed with gratitude.
I am blessed to have gone through such an experience when I was in my 20s. It is still early enough to start slowing down, sharpening my intuitions, being patient with the flow, and appreciating inner progress.
I am blessed with wonderful companies who watched my little footsteps stumbling upon each other like watching a toddler on the playfield, smiled at my face-flat self with genuine adoration and generosity, and opened their arms towards me…
Comment from Thu Nguyen Minh on my old blog:
‘Thank you for sharing these intimate thoughts. This really strikes a chord. I feel identified with your situation and what happened within your inner world.
I left my job a few months ago and decided to stay in the chrysalis for awhile until I can find a ‘right’ job. I would say it have been not an easy time to go through, even all of that are my voluntaries and I was prepared for it.
Homeostasis is always the roots of several inner storms at first. Self-doubt, insecure feeling, being lost, you name it. But it’s the storm, as one said, when it subsides, the air will be cleaned out of all particulate matter that normally obscure our view, leaving us a crystal view of the horizon, where exhibits what is really matter with us. Going beyond the usual frame of reference, one has a chance to know who he/she truly is.
And while it’s quite vague and hard to grasp, I can see that you’ve started seeing it yourself. I am still on my journey to find it. I always knew it’d be a hard journey, but you reminded me it should be fun, too.
That’s good essay, anw. Wish you the best.’