When I worked in business development, ‘What are the added values of your products/services?’ was the question people most frequently asked.
In professional contexts, this notion is fundamental: the values we provide create differences, which then define our significance. Because the differences we make improve customers’ lives, help our business evolve, and advance the economy.
Companies compete to deliver more and better values for customers. It is the only way they can be significant.
What about adding values in social contexts? Are we striving for better and more values for each other—especially in our most casual relationships?
Once, I asked a housemate after having a prolonged workday:
‘Could you please give me a hand with our dinner while you’re around?’
‘Sure. I only don’t understand why you require my engagement while I could accomplish it on my own if I were you. I would just make something minimal instead of seeking help’
This struck me hard.
‘Why should we aim for less given the resources of two? Why should we minimize our creations for the sake of avoiding help? What is the difference of having each other at all? What values are we adding to one another?’
But I didn’t verbalize my thoughts. As much as I adore my friend, I have surrendered our human imperfections. After all, we are both mortals trying to make sense of life.
Nevertheless, I found that conversation provoking.
What I learnt from it and similar events brought me to acknowledge: during our daily busyness, adding values to each other’s life is sometimes overlooked, or discounted to a fair exchange of ‘give’ and ‘take’.
We are here to add values
Adding values is about proactively & consistently enriching and enhancing the quality of life for others, which effectively improves this world’s commonwealth.
During our limited time on Earth & in each other’s life, whether we wake up and decide to bring positive changes to the life of others or not determines the meaning of our existence. Those impacts separates our presence from ‘existing’ to actually ‘living’.
They manifest how we live our own lives, what values we hold, and answer the question ‘What is the difference of your presence in this world?’
I relate to what Zero Dean wrote in his blog ‘If your presence doesn’t add value, your absence won’t make a difference’—and vice versa—if your absence doesn’t make a difference, you probably aren’t adding values.
When we show up with intentionality—the mindset of approaching each day with the question ‘How can I make a difference in the life of others today?’, we will always find a way to add values.
Adding values to others doesn’t have to be grand, expensive, or philanthropic—but starts with the simple intention to make someone’s life easier or better—with or without the request for doing so.
I experienced that firsthand through the kindness of the security guard at my apartment building.
He performs 2 responsibilities: control the parking ticket and the gate. Only he decided to embed more values into his way of conducting these duties.
Every day, he greets the building’s residents with a generous smile. The gentleman opens the gate, awaits, informally salutes as I drive through the entrance, and wishes me ‘Take care’.
He gives his blessings every time we meet—‘have a beautiful day’, ‘enjoy your evening’, or ‘good night’.
Over a year of residency, I have seen him offering his courtesy despite the fact neither did everyone respond to him nor did he get more pay for doing so.
There is a world of difference in his presence in my life and among all the security guards I have encountered. Without his life-affirming kindness, our seemingly bland interactions wouldn’t have been so delightful and heart-warming, but cold and merely transactional.
He exemplifies that when we show up with intentionality—the mindset of approaching each day with the question ‘How can I make a difference in the life of others today?’, we will always find a way to add values—starting with the people nearest to us and the smallest gestures.
Offering our time
our whole-hearted attention
our helping hand
sharing our kind words
expressing our affection.
World-renowned leadership guru John C. Maxwell remarked: ‘People who add value to others do so intentionally. I say that because to add value, leaders must give of themselves and that rarely occurs by accident’.
Not all values are transactional
Many of us think the essence of a relationship is the exchange of values. While it is true in transactional contexts, the nature of adding values is genuinely humane.
Our impact creates a lasting positive change in someone’s life and the world. It cannot be traded with, compared to, or equalized by other values.
Adding values is the act of ‘give’ and ‘take’—only not for the sake of ‘exchange’, but the purpose of ‘enrichment’.
During the most tragic Covid-19 lockdown in Saigon (Vietnam), I helped a few people, including our security guard.
I shared with him household equipment, living gadgets, and food. When the lockdown had finished and we had the luxury to order the delivery of food and beverages again, he sent up to my apartment a cup of bubble tea.
I knew my values had been acknowledged and appreciated.
Because of my support, his life during the lockdown was slightly easier—and that difference lasts forever.
So, does that mean we are ‘even’? That the values he brought into my life were equalized, or even ‘canceled out’?
Not at all.
His warm gestures always remind me of our human benevolence and affectionateness. He has made my life at this apartment building slightly warmer, more connected, more human—and those differences also last forever.
Adding values is the act of ‘give’ and ‘take’—only not for the sake of ‘exchange’, but the purpose of ‘enrichment’.
The beauty of it is: our impacts outlive our presence; they are unique, and cannot be effaced.
We are not ‘even’ because I serve you and you serve me back. We are not in debt of each other in the first place. It’s not about ‘returning the favor’ so that it can be ‘crossed off’.
It’s about adding values to each other in order to create more goodness in the world we are living in. The more values we provide, the more our lives are enhanced, the more we are lifted.
Over a century ago, the American author Albert Pike wrote: ‘What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world remains and is immortal’.
Receiving values is as beautiful as offering them
Reflecting on my friend’s words, I understand the hype of doing everything on our own.
Growing up through almost a decade of domestic conflict, I taught myself to be self-sufficient—to not bother others about my needs, or even be masculine.
When we open up to accept values from others, we invite them to add meaning not only to our lives but also their own lives.
I hoped my mom would see that I was strong enough to grow up without my dad. I hoped their divorce would finally end our misery.
Eventually, I became counterproductively independent and incapable of seeking help—even when I deserve it.
Until I came to understand that support is inevitable to a meaningful life, and asking for it does not mean I am weak.
It means I am human—who are social creatures thriving in solidarity instead of solitude.
When we open up to accept values from others, we invite them to add meaning not only to our lives but also their own lives.
‘Adding values to others is the surest way to add values to our own lives’—as John C. Maxwell wrote.
The positive changes we inherit from their support will consequently fuel our ways of creating further impacts on the life of people around us.
This is how we ‘pay it forward’, and continue the legacy to serve more lives.
Beyond ‘give’ and ‘take’, values are co-created
Despite being characterized as ‘give’ and ‘take’, adding values is not always a unilateral act. Oftentimes, we have the chance to engage each other in the process—a value co-creation.
In daily life contexts, this means creating and experiencing something together—from home renovation, planning a weekend trip to preparing a meal, or decorating a Christmas tree.
After all, we will look back at the values we have added in each other’s life, the differences we have created for one another, the memories we have cultivated with each other, and say ‘We did it together’.
The collectivity of resources yields greater values for all contributors. Usually, putting our heads and hands together produces better outcomes than doing it solely.
Not only is it more resource-efficient, but also more personalized, innovative, and emotionally rewarding—because our brains capture a memory best when we are engaged in the making.
After all, we will not look back at a period of life and cheer ‘I did it all by myself’, and nobody will give us a trophy for ‘Best solo human being’.
But we will look back at the values we have added in each other’s life, the differences we have created for one another, the memories we have cultivated with each other, and say ‘We did it together’.
We only have limited time on Earth and limited time in each other’s life. It matters to add values, create memories, and make the world a better place—one gesture at a time.
Do you show up to add values today? Are you open to others for co-creating values with you?